One of the unexpected challenges of chronic pain is figuring out how to explain something other people can’t necessarily see.

And even when someone loves you very much, they may not understand why you could do something yesterday but struggle with it today.

That can make conversations difficult.

I’ve learned that people sometimes need more information than we realize. Not because they don’t care, but because they’re trying to understand an experience they haven’t had.

And I’ve also learned that the way I communicate can make a difference.

Instead of simply saying, “I can’t,” sometimes it’s more helpful to explain what I can do.

Maybe I can’t spend an entire afternoon shopping, but I’d love to meet for lunch.

Maybe I can’t make a last-minute decision, but I’d enjoy making plans ahead of time.

Maybe I need to leave an event earlier than everyone else, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy being there.

Those conversations aren’t always easy. And there will still be people who don’t fully understand.

But I’ve found that explaining what helps, rather than only describing what hurts, can open the door to better communication.

It’s also important to remember that the people who love us have feelings and needs of their own. Healthy relationships make room for everyone.

Something to remember: You don’t have to choose between honoring your needs and maintaining meaningful relationships.

Sometimes a little understanding—and a little creativity—can help us do both.